December 18, 2010

What bond?

I got to see Ranger today. I asked my sister Tia when she got home if she could bring me to the barn to see Ranger. At first she said no, which honestly, ticked me off. I was so mad. She called back saying she would take me so I got super excited and called M (barn owner) just to make sure that we could go. She was in the barn but her Mom said she didn't see why we couldn't.

Driving to the barn was SO SLOW it seemed 10 times longer than it would usually take. We finally got to the barn and I jumped out and had to remind myself to go slow on the icy drive way.

Into the barn I went and haven't I missed that smell! The first comment I got when I went into the barn was "HEY CRIP!" go figure huh! We talked a little bit and Tia said "Are you ever going to see your man?!" So I went and turned on the lights.

I was already for one of those experiences I keep reading on the other blogs I read about.

My foolish expectation was that Ranger would look up when I said his name, perk his ears, sniff my hand, and I'd open the door and he'd walk right over and let me pat him all over...

Well from past experiences I know that expectations only lead you to getting hurt.

Here is what really happened:

I walked up to Ranger's stall and he was quietly munching on his dinner hay. I was 3 feet away from his door and said his name, he didn't look up, got to his door and said his name again, he still didn't look up, I walked over to his viewing window and said his name again and he finally looked up. His ears were perked, I stuck my hand through the bars and he sniffed it....and then went back to eating his hay as if I've been there every day. My heart sadly to say dropped. I couldn't get him to bring his head back up again.

It was only Tia and I in the barn so I opened his door and was going to slowly walk up to him and pat him. Yeah I was on crutches but he saw me come in looked at me and went back to eating and I was going to go super slow...but then Tia told me that M said I couldn't go in his stall... because I was on crutches.

Let me tell you I was more sad when I left than I was yesterday. I started questioning this "bond" everyone thought that him and I had. Geeze I didn't even get to pat him...

I hate these crutches, I hate my feet, I hate these surgeries, but the worst part is that no matter how loudly I scream how much I hate the situation I am in, nothing is going to change it.

Despite what I may write about...I wouldn't change my life for anything. I have the best family in the world and everything I could possibly ask for, its just...:sigh: this sucks.

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